I'm Trying
Enough fire and brimstone, the world employs christians for that. So much has happened this week. And between John and Kelvin, i am left with nothing.
All i know is hatred anger and biterness does not work, because i cant hold the feeling long enough. I do remember doing that once though, and i could not shake the feelings of anger and bitterness. Gone, i hope are the days of throwing chairs at random strangers.
I'm in a bit of a deep shit situation, because there is no real way out of it. I am who i am right, and i have to accept that i am not god, and i have absolutely no control over my enviroment. I'm sure a dear many people would cringe at that, perfectionists, and fellow control freaks alike. With a kind of manicial laughter i have to say just because you try does not mean you succeed, and just because you dont try does not mean you will fail.
Look at my PSLE, did not try, did fucking well, And my O's I tired, at the last minute, scraped by. Poly, Tried like mad, god it was a disaster. And then of course my love life, tried like a bitch, tried beyond what i thought i was capabe of, ended up hurting beyond what i though i was capable of as well. Good god.
What do you get when you try and succeed? I'd have to say you get a false sense acomplishment. Bravo, but it would have happened anyway. I'm tired and sick of trying, its trying enough trying to be me. I need to write a post on hot fuss soon, gotta get in the right frame of mind, and lash out with words.
Hotfuss in my opinion was beautiful, the saddest lyrics hidden under some groovy beats.
All i know is hatred anger and biterness does not work, because i cant hold the feeling long enough. I do remember doing that once though, and i could not shake the feelings of anger and bitterness. Gone, i hope are the days of throwing chairs at random strangers.
I'm in a bit of a deep shit situation, because there is no real way out of it. I am who i am right, and i have to accept that i am not god, and i have absolutely no control over my enviroment. I'm sure a dear many people would cringe at that, perfectionists, and fellow control freaks alike. With a kind of manicial laughter i have to say just because you try does not mean you succeed, and just because you dont try does not mean you will fail.
Look at my PSLE, did not try, did fucking well, And my O's I tired, at the last minute, scraped by. Poly, Tried like mad, god it was a disaster. And then of course my love life, tried like a bitch, tried beyond what i thought i was capabe of, ended up hurting beyond what i though i was capable of as well. Good god.
What do you get when you try and succeed? I'd have to say you get a false sense acomplishment. Bravo, but it would have happened anyway. I'm tired and sick of trying, its trying enough trying to be me. I need to write a post on hot fuss soon, gotta get in the right frame of mind, and lash out with words.
Hotfuss in my opinion was beautiful, the saddest lyrics hidden under some groovy beats.
posted by Seython at 11:28 pm
2 Comments:
One can never try hard enough.
The world is not enough for those who desire what it cannot give.
Same for you, you feel like you are going no where because you are facing the wrong direction.
You cannot stop for a moment, you cannot tarry.
The world stops for no one.
But one thing you can do, which is as good as any other.
You can close your eyes and make believe.
Close your eyes and fly Peter Pan and Wendy will be here to catch you.
Poor Peter Pan. Indeed a character I can relate to. His sense of wanderlust, adventure, his boyish innocence, and his misunderstood love for wendy. The girl who grew up.
One day according to my new found cynicism, i'll find a beautiful girl who'll love me and she'll be just perfect, intelligent, funny, and absolutely love me, every single broken unacceptable part of me. And i will fall into a deep and pure love with her.
And i will have to break her heart, i'll never be able to forgive myself . I'll go mad with regret for what i've done. And then, as it has been said you will see the suicide in my eyes. You will see hatred anger and bitterness in my eyes.
Because i think the next girl will definately kill me. She has to be really something to get me to fall in love now.
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