I can move on yes!


What most people don't seem to get is that its FUCKING painful.

I'd quote Stupid Humans. BUT i'm too fucking old for that. I'd instead like to tell you without any grace and so. that what you'd never unserstand is how much i;ve been cheated, how much i've been lied to how much i've been made to believe when there wasn't a reason at all. You will NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OF CONTROL. and i quote from pulp.

You will also never understand what it feels like to wake up every morning wanting to take a


PLUNGE

down 7 stories. Feel the wind rushing through your face, and going OH GOD i didn't mean to do this i still want to live. I HATE my affilation with god. BECAUSE if not ii would have JUMPED long ago.

I would have no tomorrow left to live for because i dont live for tomorrow, i live in yesterday. YOU WILL NEEVR UNDERSTAND THE PAIN you will never understand the hurt AND you will NEVER understand the lack of intimacy inmy life.

YOU who are loved by someone all the time you who has never had to cry alone, you who has never had to give up anything for the on you love. anything being something that actually matters to you. WHEN YOU CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP, and YOU CANT SLEEP FOR MONTHS and your tears just dont mean anything to you anymore let me know. When you're so broken when you're so hurt when you're so ALONE and EMPTY, that you'd sell your soul for a tinsy bit of happienss LET ME KNOW because i know what thats like. I know that pain oh so well, and its become a part of me i can never hope to get rid off. BECAUSE I AM HUMAN AND I BELIEVE IN AMPATHY.

I BELIEVE IN SYMPATHY, I BELIEVE IN LOVE, EVEN WHEN THAT PERSON IS SO FAR AWAY. I BELIEVE IN HAPPINESS, EVEN WHEN I CANT BELIEVE IT CAN BE ATTAINED. I BELIEVE IN GOD, EVEN WHEN HE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN ME. I BELIEVE IN LOVE EVEN WHEN THAT PERSON IS IN A PSOITION TO HURT ME, AFTER THATS WHAT LOVE IS. I BELIEVE IN AMPATHY, BECAUSE THATS WHAT MAKES ME HUMAN. I BELIEVE IN NOTHING REALLY, BECAUSE THERES NOTHING I BELIEVE IN THAT HAS NEVER LET ME DOWN.

THATS why i want to die, and plummet, and pull myself away from this world, so please, stop telling me that its no big deal BECAUSE IT IS TO ME. and i am human and i feel as well and i will continue to feel until i feel the courage to jump off a building or take m won life. BECAUSE I"M SO GOD DAMMED TIRED OF THIS SHIT THAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH JUST TO BE A FUCKING DECCENT HUAMN BEING. AND I'M SO SICK OF TRYING SO SICK OF TELLING MYSELF THINGS WILL GET BETTER, AND SO SICK OF LYING TO MYSELF, BECAUSE THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY LIES I CAN TELL MYSLEF. I DONT WAT TO GET LAID. I WANT SOME FUCKING INTIMACY. where someone actually believes he or she cares sooooooooooo deeply for me. thats all i fucking want ian i'd trade my soul for it, after all what use is soul without a heart.