What a Female dog, this piece of fecal matter life is.
Sometimes i wonder why the hell i write, mostly it has become a habit. Some version of an outlet. I've been meaning to stop because this country is just too damm small. I hate how my attempts to fade into nothingness and my attempts to recreate my life are thwated by half of Singapore knowing my family. Mel you might be pelased to know that you're not the only one frusturated by this.
I'm trying to run away from my family life and its responsibilities, and it all comes to bite me in the ass. I hate this feeling of being trapped that i cant even live my own life. I've always got obligations to this and that. I hate being restrained. Though the wise restraints make men free, there is no wisdom in restraints if you've never been free.
This kind of thinking is like a Malay in a circular room trying to relac one corner. Absolutely pointless. I love Grey's Anatomy, its the most fantastic show on TV now. There was an episode on today about intimacy. And how in every relationship, there are rules for intimacy. The problem we all face is that there no hard and fast rules. Nobody really knows how much is going too far or how much is too little. It was concluded that these rules are something we have to find out for ourselves. Through trial and error, failure, tears etc.. What i thought i needed was a book titled Intimacy for Dummies. Now i dont think its going to help.
I need something more, something else, something better to get me through this life. And Crystal Meth will lift you up until you break. Baby Baby. Thinking about the Insurrections of night, sex is power, love is for sale, revenge is sweet, and gaining some control over your life and your destiny, having a goal to work towards creates a singleminded hope that we are who we are. But you never really know. At least for me, I've done nothing, and i dont know who i am, i just know what i am capable of.
But its frusturating, not having an escape, not having anyone who will take the time of day to talk. Maybe not talk, but to work towards your dreams with. In solitude there is only a sense of being incomplete. Missing a rib perhaps.
The first woman according to Jewish mythology was Lilith, who Feminists take their identity from. Maybe not all, but those that decided to start Lilith Fair. Once man was complete, god created a woman for him made from dirt, and she refused to submit to him. Because she though she was better and more than him. So she fled to the red sea.
God then made another woman, from flesh and blood, veins and fatty tissue, and whatever. Adam didnt like that because it was gross. So God made Eve, from a rib of Adam. Maybe that is why everybody feels empty alone. When you're alone you swamp yourself with work, watch TV, contemplate suicide, sleep as long as you can, anything to fill up that void. Because we all want to be perfect.
We want to love and be complete and whole. To love and be loved are two seperate things. Maybe we want them both. In a sense they are the same. Love is such a commercial word, and too ambigious. What i want is to belong. Maybe its a better word, hence my love for the non-vanilla.
With union there is comrpomise, and scarifice. There is that feeling that you're invincible, that you can do anything. Thats why man fell. And he would do it all over again.
There is also Lucifer who fell. He fell because he loved himself too much, acccording to the bible. My theory, it was his porpose to fall, because he was the most beautiful, God's gift to humanity. Neil Gaiman has a similar theory, but slightly different. Lucifer loved mankind too much, disagreed with God about our position on earth, and fled.
As our perceptions of heaven are that it is a beautiful and perfect place, our perceptions of hell are sort of shaped by Dante's Inferno (and probably before), the complete opposite. When we ask which came first the chicken or the egg, we assume one had to come before the other, why is it that we feel that Lucifer created Hell. Why was it not created by God "In the beginning", like everything else.
According to the myth, everything was created perfect. When Adam, named the animals on earth, he realised every animal had a mate, except him. And asked God to create a mate for him. I guess God said ok because he loved Adam. (Apparently before that Adam was fornicating with animals, and found no satisfaction in the act.) Maybe that was the start of imperfection, a love for self. Eventually adam was missing a rib and no longer perfect. God who had made things perfect had changed it. And we are what we are.
I think in our life, the only thing thats important is to be. Perfect, complete, whole. Neither Lilith nor the other who had no name were for Adam, because they are not a part of him. They do not understand him, and can not belong to him.
Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live even now. Peace upon the vespers glow. I know what i want. Though i don't know what love is, i know what it isn't.
I'm trying to run away from my family life and its responsibilities, and it all comes to bite me in the ass. I hate this feeling of being trapped that i cant even live my own life. I've always got obligations to this and that. I hate being restrained. Though the wise restraints make men free, there is no wisdom in restraints if you've never been free.
This kind of thinking is like a Malay in a circular room trying to relac one corner. Absolutely pointless. I love Grey's Anatomy, its the most fantastic show on TV now. There was an episode on today about intimacy. And how in every relationship, there are rules for intimacy. The problem we all face is that there no hard and fast rules. Nobody really knows how much is going too far or how much is too little. It was concluded that these rules are something we have to find out for ourselves. Through trial and error, failure, tears etc.. What i thought i needed was a book titled Intimacy for Dummies. Now i dont think its going to help.
I need something more, something else, something better to get me through this life. And Crystal Meth will lift you up until you break. Baby Baby. Thinking about the Insurrections of night, sex is power, love is for sale, revenge is sweet, and gaining some control over your life and your destiny, having a goal to work towards creates a singleminded hope that we are who we are. But you never really know. At least for me, I've done nothing, and i dont know who i am, i just know what i am capable of.
But its frusturating, not having an escape, not having anyone who will take the time of day to talk. Maybe not talk, but to work towards your dreams with. In solitude there is only a sense of being incomplete. Missing a rib perhaps.
The first woman according to Jewish mythology was Lilith, who Feminists take their identity from. Maybe not all, but those that decided to start Lilith Fair. Once man was complete, god created a woman for him made from dirt, and she refused to submit to him. Because she though she was better and more than him. So she fled to the red sea.
God then made another woman, from flesh and blood, veins and fatty tissue, and whatever. Adam didnt like that because it was gross. So God made Eve, from a rib of Adam. Maybe that is why everybody feels empty alone. When you're alone you swamp yourself with work, watch TV, contemplate suicide, sleep as long as you can, anything to fill up that void. Because we all want to be perfect.
We want to love and be complete and whole. To love and be loved are two seperate things. Maybe we want them both. In a sense they are the same. Love is such a commercial word, and too ambigious. What i want is to belong. Maybe its a better word, hence my love for the non-vanilla.
With union there is comrpomise, and scarifice. There is that feeling that you're invincible, that you can do anything. Thats why man fell. And he would do it all over again.
There is also Lucifer who fell. He fell because he loved himself too much, acccording to the bible. My theory, it was his porpose to fall, because he was the most beautiful, God's gift to humanity. Neil Gaiman has a similar theory, but slightly different. Lucifer loved mankind too much, disagreed with God about our position on earth, and fled.
As our perceptions of heaven are that it is a beautiful and perfect place, our perceptions of hell are sort of shaped by Dante's Inferno (and probably before), the complete opposite. When we ask which came first the chicken or the egg, we assume one had to come before the other, why is it that we feel that Lucifer created Hell. Why was it not created by God "In the beginning", like everything else.
According to the myth, everything was created perfect. When Adam, named the animals on earth, he realised every animal had a mate, except him. And asked God to create a mate for him. I guess God said ok because he loved Adam. (Apparently before that Adam was fornicating with animals, and found no satisfaction in the act.) Maybe that was the start of imperfection, a love for self. Eventually adam was missing a rib and no longer perfect. God who had made things perfect had changed it. And we are what we are.
I think in our life, the only thing thats important is to be. Perfect, complete, whole. Neither Lilith nor the other who had no name were for Adam, because they are not a part of him. They do not understand him, and can not belong to him.
Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live even now. Peace upon the vespers glow. I know what i want. Though i don't know what love is, i know what it isn't.
posted by Seython at 5:13 am
2 Comments:
This wasn't the long post i intended to write, but it will have to do. The other post became somewhat irrelevant. And difficult to write. Better left unsaid, why spoil something thats perfect.
Oh and i always loved how Islam means Surrender. I thought it beautifuly sums up what god wants from us.
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