Watching Love grow, Forever.

I am in love with ceremony. It's been on repeat since I saw Marie Antoinette. Events unnerve me. Simple ironies, far too complex to be coincidence. pieces of the past running after me, never allowing me to forget. Things that should be but aren't certainty that isn't really certain. Who says any of this has to make sense. We just want it to, because if they do we can believe in ourselves just a little bit more.

The priest who had accompanied her whispered, "This is the moment, Madame, to arm yourself with courage." Marie Antoinette turned to look at him and smiled, "Courage? The moment when my troubles are going to end is not the moment when my courage is going to fail me."

I went shopping, that made me feel a little happier. Oh well a lot actually. I really enjoyed today, it was perfect. Its all sorted out for the time being, tomorrow things might "unsort" themselves, but right now things are peachy. Walking shopping and spending more than i can afford is becoming a very bad habit. Whatever. Whatever works. Whatever makes you happy. Whatever it takes to live with yourself.

I wonder why it strikes such a chord. Probably because its the person I'm turning into. I feel like I loved you a lifetime ago. Things have changed, and I finally bought a pink shirt. I wish "you", the you I knew then were around to smile and say you're wearing that tomorrow. I wish I'd stop breaking, promises to myself. Even when theres nothing left, not even the whiff of a memory to cling on to. I wish for so many impossible things. I wish I believed in the impossible.

This is why events unnerve me,
They find it all, a different story,
Notice whom for wheels are turning,
Turn again and turn towards this time,
All she asks the strength to hold me,
Then again the same old story,
World will travel, oh so quickly,
Travel first and lean towards this time.

Oh, Ill break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, its got to be this time,
Watching her, these things she said,
The times she cried,
Too frail to wake this time.

Oh Ill break them down, no mercy shown
Heaven knows, its got to be this time,
Avenues all lined with trees,
Picture me and then you start watching,
Watching forever, forever,
Watching love grow, forever,
Letting me know, forever.

I know this is not right, and his is not healthy, and this is not good for me. But indulge me one last time my lover and deepest confidante. I will let this go. I will believe in the possible, I will believe in things like common sense instead of the power of an individual to change his perception and reality, in relations instead of relationships, I will believe in life instead of Life, I will believe in me and not Us. I will not be able to believe in mercy, but it'll be alright, i cant always do what I believe is right. I'm sorry darling, I've changed so much and riddled your pages with too many irrelevant truths. Burdened your spaces with too many words. I'll move on soon enough but, you always will be the best.

"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur"

For now, words of dying people seem to make the most sense. Its not kitsch, its not pop, its something that will forever ring in our souls. Last words, last thoughts, lasting impressions and lasting endless nights.

"I am weak, all my life I've felt weak compared to other people. If they want to crush me, they can- but I know I can do things that other people can't"