"I'm a dude", Dad

I'm supposed to be out tonight. With someone I want to be around. Someone, like everyone else who's gone far away. Only to return and somehow still manage to be a world apart. We grow and I get left behind. It's like listening to Dylan Sing Bowie, pointing out the tragedy in revolution, in change.

I've been lots of things. Mostly I've been tired, of this, of life, of trying so hard. Only to achieve nothing. If only something came back, worked out, picked me up, lifted me, held me close, and never let go.

Every time I get hit like this, I want to run. To only two people, the first one is my mother, who has given so much to me, love, heart, soul, life and everything I could want, need or think of. The second, is the person who used to give something like that. It was good once, now life pales in comparison. Somehow after all things considered, it's true. I don't want to live in a world where my heart must either break, or turn to lead. Why fight gravity, if we are falling, if our hearts grow heavier, if time and tide, and time and tide again all we do is washed into the sea, we drown, we die, we sink, and we may never soar. I cannot do this anymore, I need a break from life, I need a break, because I'm breaking.