Doing

I used to like the title of Wisdom of the sands, i've never read the book, so i'm not very sure what wisdom the sands hold. I think besides the wisdom of the goggle box, there is some wisdom in MSN nicks. Most of it comes in the form of fragments, like little bits of our self, we put out there, to tell the world what we are thinking about. Trying to express our identity uniquely. Other times it comes in the form of figments. Pieces of our reality we wish to believe in.

Somebody had his nick Stays Kindlier. And I wonder if its trying to stay kindlier, like a gentle reminder, or a wish to stay kindlier, because you know the kindness is going from your eyes. Mostly the little things have the largest impact.

the only reason why my smile never reaches my eyes is cause i just don’t mean it.
:))

Somebody put this on. And i wonder, is it alright to not mean it. Just smile for the sake of smiling, so somebody wont dispise you, exploit you for the way you feel. Pride, take pride in what you do. If i were to look at the last few months and the things i've done i dont think i can feel much pride. I've been unfocused, erratic, and generally not been in control of what i do. I think if my life were part of my work, i'd crumple it and throw it away. I wonder if i'm taking the metaphorical literally. That would be bad news.

It sounds really lousy but i need somebody who drives me, and lets me see a future worth driving headlong into. Sometimes i find some goals to work towards, but they quickly become irrelevant. Something in my life changes, and everything changes, theres not much thats constant. Oddly i found some sense of drive in a mad friend i met the other day. I think if he managed to find his drive dispite the depression, the prison, the unfavourable company, why cant I. Am I really that weak?

Its frusturating, building yourself up all these years, and when the the time comes to put the peddle to the metal, you're afraid, that all your darling dreams and ideas I've walked so hard for will just crash, and fall apart. And then what? Back to the Ol' Drawing board, like a Warner Brothers cartoon? I don't know if i can afford that. Then again i dont know if it matters.