Pills

I am so tired. My life lacks a certian quality. I feel more empty than I've felt in the last few weeks. Whats the opposite of being empty, its fooled, not full. Its a kind of denial where you feel impregnable. Nothing can ever harm you. I need to move out soon. I need to start my own life and get it back in order.

The truly wise know they know nothing. Thats what they say. I know so little now and so little is certain that it has reached the point of being ridiculous. I dont run away from my problems, and i try to face them as best as i can. I'm so afraid. Of so many things now. Of nothing at all i dont know and i dont want to care but i do care and i still dont know.

I'm not fixed yet, just in denial. Denial is better than eygpt. I feel like i'm waiting to die. But i'm fucking 21 and shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be smiling and being happy, there are so many things i leave unsaid, so many things i dont want to say, but i know what they are. I just dont know what i'm suppoused to do with all these problems, that are nothing at all but mean the world to me.

Please let me die or live, purgatory is too painful, hell with a hope is simply too inhumane.

I hope my smile
can distract you
I hope my fists
can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know

I hope my love
can blind you
I hope my arms
can bind you
So you’ll never have to see
What we’ve grown to be

One may think
we’re alright
But we need pills
to sleep at night
We need lies
to make it through the day
We’re not ok

One may think
we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground
with every passing day
We’re not ok

But that’s one thing
I would never
One thing I would never
That’s one thing
I would never say to you