The point is
Ite illusive simley is indeed the greatest tool in modern communication. The ability to smile on cue i find is almost as difficult to cry on cue. However, with modern invertions of online smileys, you can have an instant reach your eyes smile in with just the help of the shift key. The ability to shift your mood from normal indifference to something like I give a damm comes so easily, pity salesmen didn't have this at their disposal sooner.
Watching Armageddon again, i'd have to say it lacked the certian charm when i first watched it, God i hate american films, utterly predicitable, completely lacking in substance, and extravagantly loaded with fireworks. Which actually may be why Singaporeans like them, due to our being fireworks deprived. Fridays at the movies is like national day come early.
I like art house, the less i understand the better. Which does not mean i like films i cant relate to, like *Cough* David Lynch. I love films that i can completely relate to, but show me a different side of my understanding. Something i've never seen before, something that exlaims "Ooooo Shiny!" Something that stirrs my heart strings, i dont even care if its not real, i think i've never been so beyond caring before. I've never loved myself so much before, which the old me would have said is entirely a bad thing.
I watched Lackawanna Blues, and the movie tore me apart, I didnt understand very much, i've become alienated to the many concepts like community, and caring for others. Well not completely alienated, but its just different form when i was a kid. The times they are a changing, and the wheel is always in spin, and so many things dont matter anymore like what they used to. I've grown older somewhat, and i'm going to grow older some more.
The battle rages within me, and i still have yet to come to a any real resolution. The way i see it is i'll probably be fighting myself until i forget what i'm fighting for. And i still know damm well what i'm fighting for, a reason to care and put myself out there to endure countless and endless disapointments. To give and care and never stop no matter how hard, until i have nothing left. All i need is 1 good reason, eventually i might forget how to care, how to love someone more than i love myeslf, i'll grow old enough to take care of myself and only myself, and i'll never look back, i'll be afriad of dying, i'll be afraid to lose and to take chances, i'll be afraid to smile and be proud of myself, i'll be afraid.
Theres that part of lackawanna blues where the Junior asks Nanny, if she's afraid to die. And the most comforting words i've ever heard came from her mouth, that death is nothing to be afraid of, that death is a friend, and when shes really tired of this life, and she cant go on anymore, death will say, yes, i understand, you can stop now.
I want to live an inspired life, full of passion, where i know what i'm doing, why i'm doing it, and i'll never stop feeling this way. Sometimes, especially now, i'm half afraid that i'll never pick myself up enough to be able to try again. And this is only the beginning, I cant afford to quit now. In the still of my heart, i know i still love atleast one thing enough, i'm still young, i'm still proud, i'm still mad, somehow it strikes me as wrong to ask god to help me find this one, i figure i'll either figure it out or wander this vast tundera until something crops up. Or i can sit and wait because i'm sure that which i am looking for is looking for me as well.
On the brighter side of things, i have a timetable now before things are suppoused to start working out. And apparently i have a stronger heart than most, so i'm confident it can take this shit i'm putting it through, what does not kill you makes you stronger.
Watching Armageddon again, i'd have to say it lacked the certian charm when i first watched it, God i hate american films, utterly predicitable, completely lacking in substance, and extravagantly loaded with fireworks. Which actually may be why Singaporeans like them, due to our being fireworks deprived. Fridays at the movies is like national day come early.
I like art house, the less i understand the better. Which does not mean i like films i cant relate to, like *Cough* David Lynch. I love films that i can completely relate to, but show me a different side of my understanding. Something i've never seen before, something that exlaims "Ooooo Shiny!" Something that stirrs my heart strings, i dont even care if its not real, i think i've never been so beyond caring before. I've never loved myself so much before, which the old me would have said is entirely a bad thing.
I watched Lackawanna Blues, and the movie tore me apart, I didnt understand very much, i've become alienated to the many concepts like community, and caring for others. Well not completely alienated, but its just different form when i was a kid. The times they are a changing, and the wheel is always in spin, and so many things dont matter anymore like what they used to. I've grown older somewhat, and i'm going to grow older some more.
The battle rages within me, and i still have yet to come to a any real resolution. The way i see it is i'll probably be fighting myself until i forget what i'm fighting for. And i still know damm well what i'm fighting for, a reason to care and put myself out there to endure countless and endless disapointments. To give and care and never stop no matter how hard, until i have nothing left. All i need is 1 good reason, eventually i might forget how to care, how to love someone more than i love myeslf, i'll grow old enough to take care of myself and only myself, and i'll never look back, i'll be afriad of dying, i'll be afraid to lose and to take chances, i'll be afraid to smile and be proud of myself, i'll be afraid.
Theres that part of lackawanna blues where the Junior asks Nanny, if she's afraid to die. And the most comforting words i've ever heard came from her mouth, that death is nothing to be afraid of, that death is a friend, and when shes really tired of this life, and she cant go on anymore, death will say, yes, i understand, you can stop now.
I want to live an inspired life, full of passion, where i know what i'm doing, why i'm doing it, and i'll never stop feeling this way. Sometimes, especially now, i'm half afraid that i'll never pick myself up enough to be able to try again. And this is only the beginning, I cant afford to quit now. In the still of my heart, i know i still love atleast one thing enough, i'm still young, i'm still proud, i'm still mad, somehow it strikes me as wrong to ask god to help me find this one, i figure i'll either figure it out or wander this vast tundera until something crops up. Or i can sit and wait because i'm sure that which i am looking for is looking for me as well.
On the brighter side of things, i have a timetable now before things are suppoused to start working out. And apparently i have a stronger heart than most, so i'm confident it can take this shit i'm putting it through, what does not kill you makes you stronger.
posted by Seython at 1:26 am
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