The Case of Mistaken Identity (Ungrateful son of a bitch I am)
Well its nobody's fault really. Nobody but mine. You see, I thought you were somebody else. I let you into my life, because, well, I thought you were my friend. I made an effort to be happy around you. I made an effort to make you comfortable around me. I smiled like the willful child I want to be, and we shared jokes.
I never knew very much about you, or your life. I acted on the good faith that letting you get to know me was a first step into a meaningful friendship. Somehow, I'm looking at how the strings unravel. Somehow I'm looking at the back end of a lousy deal. I sold myself for nothing again, I don't think I'll ever belong, I don't think this life will ever make sense.
So here I am, panicked, hurt, and tossed aside again. Whats new, what ever is. Sometimes the look of surprise on my face is just there out of habit, I'm seldom surprised anymore. How many people have I actually asked to read my blog, definitely less than 10. I wonder how long it'll take before I stop trying, to find something meaningful in this existence.
I'm not too good with social norms, I can never tell how much I mean to a person. My search for something more, something better, or something worthwhile usually ends like this. Alone, with a tinge of hurt, mixed with the bemused feeling of how things could have gone better, and the practical side me will say, they wont get better, because I'm unwilling to change the way I do things.
What a long difficult to read sentence, hope it didn't bother you. I honestly should stop caring when its blatantly obvious my goodwill will not be reciprocated. You know it, I know it. But what stops me is the hope that one day you will appreciate the good that I've done in your life. But then again, who am I kidding, I don't even appreciate the things that I have, and I have them in abundance.
I never knew very much about you, or your life. I acted on the good faith that letting you get to know me was a first step into a meaningful friendship. Somehow, I'm looking at how the strings unravel. Somehow I'm looking at the back end of a lousy deal. I sold myself for nothing again, I don't think I'll ever belong, I don't think this life will ever make sense.
So here I am, panicked, hurt, and tossed aside again. Whats new, what ever is. Sometimes the look of surprise on my face is just there out of habit, I'm seldom surprised anymore. How many people have I actually asked to read my blog, definitely less than 10. I wonder how long it'll take before I stop trying, to find something meaningful in this existence.
I'm not too good with social norms, I can never tell how much I mean to a person. My search for something more, something better, or something worthwhile usually ends like this. Alone, with a tinge of hurt, mixed with the bemused feeling of how things could have gone better, and the practical side me will say, they wont get better, because I'm unwilling to change the way I do things.
What a long difficult to read sentence, hope it didn't bother you. I honestly should stop caring when its blatantly obvious my goodwill will not be reciprocated. You know it, I know it. But what stops me is the hope that one day you will appreciate the good that I've done in your life. But then again, who am I kidding, I don't even appreciate the things that I have, and I have them in abundance.
Labels: Scooters in the fall
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