Friendship for sale

Which is the way things are. Friends without obligations, people without bodies, pictures that don’t mean anything, speak the thousand words that mean just as much as the pictures do. It’s not about how little you can give Versus how much you have given. Its the courtesy involved to give a straight answer. At this point i will throw my hands in the air and say I’ve had it.

Its not like I forced you, its not like I bugged you, its not like I put a gun to your head, or said don’t call me anymore if you can’t do this for me. You choose, you can’t stick to your choices, and you don’t even bother answering up for it. That’s just what it is.

Since when did calling back become such a glorified thing? Is it asking too much, like Jesus to wink as me, or some kind of miraculous thing, like getting a call back from some hot shot Hollywood producer. As frustrating as it, maybe it’s not all just them. The problem partly lies with me. Maybe not all the people who I choose to let into my heart and life are my friends. I've occasionally been accused of being too naive, coming from someone who does call back, I’d have to accept its weight and truth. I probably should learn to expect less from people, less than a simple message saying sorry, I couldn't make it, less than words like I don’t feel like talking about this, less than a simple hello how are you feeling, less than somebody actually listening (though sometimes I don’t want to talk about it, and thanks for not forcing me), less than the smallest bit of care and concern.

What is this Modern love? This friendship? A mass of acquaintances, of people you barely know, whose lives barely affect you, who’s death, is just another occasion to attend. Whose effect on your life is just another picture in a list of 500. Which part of you is human as opposed to alienated? Which part of you is the best part of you as opposed to the most basic of your survival instincts? Which part of you makes you proud as opposed to verging on puffery? Which part of you wants more instead of less, which aspires and dares to hope for a better society of mutual growth, as opposed to a world where every man woman and child has to fend for themselves.

Maybe I’m idealistic, but it’s sad how the best part of us is also the worst. Where once we imagined, conceptualised, and created a better world, where we can ALL get what we need, we now have a world that sees more as better, it is not just about sufficiency that we are content with, but gross gluttonous excess. Like the guy in 7. Death from gluttony, over low nutrition food. Society is like a buffet of many flavoured candies, colourful, sweet, but sorely lacking in substance.

I could go on and on, about how you're told what to like and dislike when essentially everything offered to us is similar. But I have to say, which one of you really cares about what I say? Do you think I’m pissed off with you? If you do I’m not. If you don’t care and think you've lots of friends, you probably have lots of acquaintances and can’t tell the difference between somebody who accepts you because you have something they want, or they just give a shit because they choose to (this statement is a fine line that judges how jaded you are). If you don’t care, and you think I’m full of shit or full of myself, then aren’t you as well, for being unwilling to accept the opinions of another. It is possible that you could see this as me being frustrated with the way life works. [Instead of venting frustrations on some specific (if you know me) non-specific (if you don't) people in my life (at this point you should ask yourself which category you're in and for those people who think know me I’d say most of them don’t really either because I don’t let you, or that you're not ready to.)] And ask yourself in this fast food, fast love, fast money, fast car, fast everything world, if its really that screwed up, and should people really give more of a crap about everybody else.

I'm writing this down because it’s not that obvious to me. I am a city boy after all; relationships and people come and go. And the thought of forever I’ve realised doesn't last longer than the next sunrise. I'm not bitter, I’m not angry; I’m just trying to understand the truth of things.

I'd like to go far far away, this place is killing me. I think friendship begins when you realise that there’s so much more to a person you'll never understand, but you choose to be there, offer your support, and pick them up when they are down just because they represent the most human, compassionate, sympathetic side of you. Because you are what you hate, and for me, I’ve found something in me left to fight becoming what I’d hate the most in the world. Losing the ability to communicate with another human being.

Communication is a 2-way process, one way is through talking, the other way is through letting someone through to You. I said this today in some stroke of cleverness, you can’t read a book that doesn't read you.