Sway

Stupid is as stupid does. When i ask why silence echos. Melodramatic? I think yes. What gives? Something that gave. Sometimes now i like the silence. Silence in a loud place. In the silence of my mind. 22 and not a day wiser. The things that bothered me last yaer still bother me now. Oh bother, i think, like Winnie with his hand in a honey jar.

Don't stray
Don't ever go away

Could have would have should have. Theres alot of those in the the world. What if there was something better something more something that gave everything and took nothing back. Something infinite, something great something, just something that i can have and never want anything more.

I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide

Who, what, where, when, WHY?, how. If ever if only even though. Whats the point. Ugh Writing like this is good for me but no good for you. Because you cant make sense of the fragments like i can. And if you do then maybe you should. I'd like to be special like you, but i'm just a creep.

I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down

I've been drowing in pictures of you, all of you. The smiles, the times we laughed. We all meant it. The jokes that used to be funny now just sting with a bitter sense of irony. We once belonged to ourselves, now we're all just slaves. There are only two paths for survival or us. The mindless bore of the working class, the one that justifies every action by "We all got bills to pay". I promised once to never join the ranks of the living dead. Sometimes now i dont know. The brain speaks but the heart is unwilling to listen. The brain shows but the heart is unwilling to see. The brain is not acknowledged by the heart. Because once it wanted to take over the world, and now it just wants to cut losses. The heart may be stupid, but its one hell of a stubborn. Personally i like the heart more.

I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time

Facets of me, everybody brings out a different one. From the cool and calm, from the knowing, from the (what in gods name have you been smoking) happy, from the calculating, from the i can read you like a book, all the way to the pissed off, angry, hurt, dejected, bitter, and eventually broken. From the spectrum of those that affect me one way, you eventually affect me the other, the more positive, comes the more negative. I guess it works for other people that way too. I guess its true when Joni said, if you care, dont let them know, dont give yourself away.

Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do

Its infinately true. Isn't it. Somethings you cant deny. How much sense does this make. I dont expect it to make that much, though i dont expect very much anymore. 22 years and not one year wiser, a bigger DND sign on my heart. Just when i think things are getting better reality strikes, and i'm out in the cold. Two fantastic reasons i guess, I should be singing along to muse songs and not caring about what i sing, and well lets just leave it at that.

Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart

Cut this post halfway, just got back from shopping and watching Babel. I liked the idea, behind it all. Language is really secondary to communication. The people speaking a different language, the people speaking the same language, the people speaking accross different cultures, the people using technology to communicate, the people using non verbal skills to communicate, the people using political channels to communicate. We rebuilt the tower of Babel using our technology, our globalisation, and at this height of our evolution, we can so easily be destroyed by acts of god, mere million in one chances. We can be sent back to the stone age. A simple earthquake disrupted the internet communications all over the world. I loved how the movie relooked what it means to communicate. How communication today has progressed into something to tedious, so empty. Its a relook on the world, and maybe Michael Moore was wrong, prople do not act purely out of fear as he believes, but this new unnoticed beginning of the end of communication creates a huge amount of space between us all, so much that we hardly understand the drives wants and needs of other human beings. We are overwhelmed with information, and can harldy cope with this information because we cannot sort out what is important and what is simply just entertainment. And society as a whole suffers as a result of that. Because its difficult to understand anybody else, and to be understood, and at the end of it all, human beings are not meant to be solitary, alone and not understood, because we were made and designed that way. Though if you want to say Adam was made special and without a companion at first i'd have to concede that is true. However, from the original sin onwards, both Adam and Eve shared their burdens, and that burden wasn't meant to be borne alone.

And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you

Sometimes i wish you didnt leave, because you made the burden of life go away. We're all weak, all needy and wanting more. We want to be loved, we want to love, we want care and attention. People say it like its a bad thing, its not. We live in a world driven by money, trade and exchange. We live on a world that advances on the idea of an economy. We dont have alot of the technology that we've created because its not economically feasiable. We need a war to test out this technology before its avaliable to the masses, think TV, Radio, the Internet. We grow older, we realise we cant achive as much as we wanted, we realise we're not invincible, we realise we gotta pay the bills, and buy a shitload of stuff that would make our lives better. We need a car, even though its so god-dammed expensive in singapore. We need private housing, we need a microwave, washing machine, we need the interent, a cell phone, a new cell phone that nobody else has. We need diamond rings, pearl necklaces, we need all manner of products made from endangered and exotic animals. We want branded bags, clothes to look cool. We need to be fashionable. We need some mass produced thing to make us look unique, we need to get things, that define our identity, we need a cool coffee table book, so when someone walks into our home they can say, hey look this guy's really smart. We need a CD or a DVD collection that shows off who we are.

I know what i need, atleast sometimes i think i do. I need somebody to stand by my dammed side, tell me she loves me no matter what, somebody i can talk to, somebody who can talk to me. Somebody who gets me, who i get, so i can just be me, and she can just be her. Somebody whos my partner in crime in turning our backs to the god dammed world and we dont need to say it coz we both know it, but if we did, it'd be something like FUCK YOU ALL, I DONT NEED YOU TO TELL ME ANYTHING, BECAUSE I'VE GOT ALL THAT I NEED HERE, AND I CANT BE ARSED IF I DIE TOMORROW AND NOBODY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD GIVES A SHIT IF I'M COOL, OR SMART, OR GOOD ENOUGH TO BE WORTH THEIR WHILE, i'll never join your god dammed working class, and i'll never need another thing to fill up the spaces in my life. And even if the going got tough, it'd be nice to have one hell of a stubborn person by your side, who wont leave you down when you're down on your knees, because she'd be happier dying with you than living without you.

The romantic in me speaks, but i'm growing older, not many people really believe this shit and i cant all the time. Sometimes i do, when i feel really alive, its not just stick it up to the man, fuck the man, its about standing up for yourself, what you believe in. Its about the times you say in the still of your heart, and your brain agrees, I Believe in You.

Its all because of you
Its all because of you