Watch me smile with reckless abandon
Write something down before camp. Wiling my time away lazily trying to remember what Guru said. I have been _____. I remembered thinking that it was so undeniably true. Was I emancipated, freed, somehow opened up again. The ashes peel away, to reveal something that is vaguely alive. At this juncture I must say, most of this is for dramatic effect, yes I know I'm alive, yes I know I'm not invincible, yes I know that at some fundamental level I am and will always be capable of everything that I did before. I know all too well that I am flesh and bone.
The question is simple, what was that word he used. After looking through a thesaurus, I find the word was liberated. its been a long time since I didn't feel dead. Its been a long time healing. I remember making a wish. Some of you got my e-mail, the chain mail i was so ashamed to send, but i was so impressed by the way it read me. Thirteen people, for my lucky number. I go my wish, and right now I'm more at peace than i have ever been in the last two years. Its nice to smile for a change and know that you mean it. Its nice to feel like you are not bothered by anything. Its nice.
I like nice, its the perfect word to hide behind. If asked how you feel about anything, nice is the one answer that isn't really an answer. Dearest Affie, for the love of god make some time to call me, i want to start planning my trip up to Perth soon. I'm planning for a mid to late August.I want to catch the tail end of winter. I want to remember how its like to feel cold on the outside and warm on the inside again.
Somehow, life changed again. And i really hope the change is here to stay this time. My fingers are crossed, my heart is pounding, my head is worried sick, i will do absolutely anything rather than to go back to that hell hole again. Older, not a smidgen wiser, but hopefully a whole lot luckier.
Today was the kind of adventure that i believed i should live through every day. Oh god i feel 13 again. I would do anything to forget the first time i nearly killed myself trying to forget something. Oh god don't take this away from me please.
The question is simple, what was that word he used. After looking through a thesaurus, I find the word was liberated. its been a long time since I didn't feel dead. Its been a long time healing. I remember making a wish. Some of you got my e-mail, the chain mail i was so ashamed to send, but i was so impressed by the way it read me. Thirteen people, for my lucky number. I go my wish, and right now I'm more at peace than i have ever been in the last two years. Its nice to smile for a change and know that you mean it. Its nice to feel like you are not bothered by anything. Its nice.
I like nice, its the perfect word to hide behind. If asked how you feel about anything, nice is the one answer that isn't really an answer. Dearest Affie, for the love of god make some time to call me, i want to start planning my trip up to Perth soon. I'm planning for a mid to late August.I want to catch the tail end of winter. I want to remember how its like to feel cold on the outside and warm on the inside again.
Somehow, life changed again. And i really hope the change is here to stay this time. My fingers are crossed, my heart is pounding, my head is worried sick, i will do absolutely anything rather than to go back to that hell hole again. Older, not a smidgen wiser, but hopefully a whole lot luckier.
Today was the kind of adventure that i believed i should live through every day. Oh god i feel 13 again. I would do anything to forget the first time i nearly killed myself trying to forget something. Oh god don't take this away from me please.
Labels: Scooters in the fall
posted by Seython at 3:49 am
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