Name

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away

Theres no turning back now the moment is upon me. I've said my goodbyes, seen the people i want to see, left some things for later. I'm not dead, merely dying. Tomorrow is a new day, a new start, a new something. In three more hours, i'd lose my freedom, and my right to be an individual.

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name

Everybody keeps saying, everybody has to do it, some kinds of right of passage. The night before is usually like this, lying in bed, cant decide if i want to get out of bed, because its the last of my bed i'll be seeing for awhile. I have knots in my stomach, been unable to eat for a the last few days, and my head was spinning. I guess i decided to do the only thing that would calm me down, sit and type away.

And I won't tell em your name

God knows how i'm going to keep a low profile, its never worked before. Me and my markable face, so prone to smiling at wrong times. My love for comic irony will not get me far in the army. The parts of me that just want to sit down and laugh at every unexpected shitty situation that comes my way will not endear me to most people who dont really understand the finer ironies of life. I can almost hear the who the fuck said you can laugh, who gave you permission to be happy. Somehow i just dont think i'll be me for much longer, maybe an older, more seasoned (in the asshole) me. Just dont tell anyone who i am and i might be able to keep some of it.

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

I havent felt this down for awhile, and i havent even started. Before the people i loved were just a phone call away. Now the smiles seem miles away. On the bright side i get a rifle, on the down side, i'd probably be to chicken shit to use it. I've thought about the day when they give me a rifle with live rounds for quite awhile. Why do i have to protect my fucking country when my country wont protect me. Why should i give a shit about my country when my world is falling apart. I dont know, *click*, *bang*, you're dead.

You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name

As much as i think i've said what i wanted to, theres these ton of lost letters for people who just arent here anymore. Well they are, just not the person they were written for. 730 days more then i can do what the fuck i want, that 17, 520 hours, and over a million seconds. Some seconds last eternity, and i guess in a million there might be 2 or 3 that would. So i guess the time doesn't matter, its the eternal seconds that do.

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name

I lost the point to all this. I wanted to say, i love you. One last time, that 16 year old i dont give a fuck what the world cares, i dont care how impossible forever sounds, i dont give a damm if you're worth it or not. That youthful, i know everything, egotistical, you dont know the truth of this like i do, i love you. I wanted to one last time before i had to wake up my ideas, and consider the floor a worthy lover to take. Then came the buts, that i never noticed before, the way age, and times teach you to second guess everything, and i just didnt know anymore.