Expectations

Life is short, and shitty, and a real pain. Having, not having, wanting and needing. Of the things that define us, that make us human. The one thing that really means the most, that really shows, that really shines. Its the things that inspire us, to do better, to achive greater. We all want to be great, we want to believe that in this short shitty meaningless life, we will eventually amount to something. Something to show for all the strife, all the pain, all the heartache, that we inflict on ourselves and the othr that we so dearly love. Something to show for all the What Ifs, the could have beens, and the regret that we will never admit that we have. Something to show to ourselves, that it worked out for the better, and we an stop dwelling on the could haves. So we will never have to deal with the agony of going back, the ordeal of attempting the impossible.

I want something to believe in again. Because i've tried so hard, because i'd like to be inspired. I'd like to be whole, defined, and human. I'd like to beieve in something, have faith in something. Like I used to have faith in all of you. I hope to be able to hope for the better, instead of expect the worst. I'll be able to fight and suffer for what i believed in once again. Maybe thats love, the willingnes to undetake suffering for what we believe in. Because it completes us so well, we never want to let it go. And sometimes, we end up loving ghosts, phantoms of the past, who dont exist anymore. I guess thats the delusional i was dubbed with. But I needed to believe in something. It used to be you.