Because it is a brave new world
I asked for it. I got it. Something i never forget. I hope you understand this is not one of those things you say thank you to. I hope you realise this is one of those things that is enough for me. It will never be enough.
I will be better. I will be stronger. And on days when its not so painful to be alive, on those days when i'm not so desperately fighting myself. I will be glad to be alive. Of the things i have i have in abundance. Of the things I own, i have nothing. Theres nothing left behind but a mutilated corpse where my soul was. But i think even that is enough.
I dont know if i have, maybe i will one day ask you to let me heal. To allow me to be happy. Maybe one day when i can really mean it, when i know that i can still be driven while happy. Alot of things have changed, alot has come and gone. Mostly gone. And as everyday passes i learn to live with less. I know enough to know that i dont know if this makes me a stronger person. Or even if stronger is better.
I want to know, when you look inside me. I want to know if you can see the cuts, if you can see the scars. If you can see all the hurt and pain. I want to know why. Sometimes. Most times i think they're completely irrelevant. Like grazed knees.
You know me, love me and accept me. You've been there since the beginning, and been there at the end. In an ideal world, i would love you always, constantly, keep you at the top of my mind. It would be passionate, it would be intense, and i would willingly give up everything until it hurts. And when it hurts, i would not blame you, i would not turn around and curse everything. But this is not an ideal world. We both know this. I try, but I cant say i try my best. Because theres always something more, because i am never satisfied.
At the end of this all there are only us. The rest of the world are details. At the end of it all. You know how much i want to be with you. I hope i will not be disapointed in this, and even if i am it really wouldn't matter. It would be nice if i could stop asking you for anything more. But i am not like that. But things will be better, one day there will be peace, and one day this world really wouldn't matter. I've been asking for 6 years now, and i'm fully prepared to ask for 40 more. I know what i wanted then and i know what I want now.
One lover, one life. I will come back to you no matter how long it takes. When i do please dont let me go. Because i am human and i make mistakes. Its not that i'm sorry for them, its just that this would be so much easier without the mistakes.
I never stop loving when i start, and at its very core, the how doesn't change. I want to be good enough for you. And i will do everything in my power to be. I probably will not succeed, but i will try.
I will be better. I will be stronger. And on days when its not so painful to be alive, on those days when i'm not so desperately fighting myself. I will be glad to be alive. Of the things i have i have in abundance. Of the things I own, i have nothing. Theres nothing left behind but a mutilated corpse where my soul was. But i think even that is enough.
I dont know if i have, maybe i will one day ask you to let me heal. To allow me to be happy. Maybe one day when i can really mean it, when i know that i can still be driven while happy. Alot of things have changed, alot has come and gone. Mostly gone. And as everyday passes i learn to live with less. I know enough to know that i dont know if this makes me a stronger person. Or even if stronger is better.
I want to know, when you look inside me. I want to know if you can see the cuts, if you can see the scars. If you can see all the hurt and pain. I want to know why. Sometimes. Most times i think they're completely irrelevant. Like grazed knees.
You know me, love me and accept me. You've been there since the beginning, and been there at the end. In an ideal world, i would love you always, constantly, keep you at the top of my mind. It would be passionate, it would be intense, and i would willingly give up everything until it hurts. And when it hurts, i would not blame you, i would not turn around and curse everything. But this is not an ideal world. We both know this. I try, but I cant say i try my best. Because theres always something more, because i am never satisfied.
At the end of this all there are only us. The rest of the world are details. At the end of it all. You know how much i want to be with you. I hope i will not be disapointed in this, and even if i am it really wouldn't matter. It would be nice if i could stop asking you for anything more. But i am not like that. But things will be better, one day there will be peace, and one day this world really wouldn't matter. I've been asking for 6 years now, and i'm fully prepared to ask for 40 more. I know what i wanted then and i know what I want now.
One lover, one life. I will come back to you no matter how long it takes. When i do please dont let me go. Because i am human and i make mistakes. Its not that i'm sorry for them, its just that this would be so much easier without the mistakes.
I never stop loving when i start, and at its very core, the how doesn't change. I want to be good enough for you. And i will do everything in my power to be. I probably will not succeed, but i will try.
Labels: this vacation is in my soul
posted by Seython at 2:27 pm
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