Happy birthday Us
This has to be said: PORCH MUNKEY 4 LIFE.
i guess my posts are delibrately long to deter people from reading. haha. Its another year, another birthday, another time i wish i had the same shirt different day shirt. I cant decide if i want to put out my written bday post. I think my best posts are the ones i dont put here.
I think the next step is looking for a difficult goal acomplishing it and feeling proud of me. I think its one of those things severely lacking in my life. Apart from things like personal identity. I dont think i ever had one. Just the me in the moments, sometimes i love me more than other times, sometimes its really alot more. Oh well life is shit but we live it because we are taught that suicide is wrong. Its my catholic past that keeps me thinking that suicide will send me to hell, though i dont believe in dante's visions of hell. I think being aware of God's (even mildest) displeasure is hell enough.
I'm doing pretty good on the no drinking thing, quite a shock, my mantra is the liver is not evil and need not be punished. Though i think the brain took abit more of a beating than the liver ever did. Liver heals, brain doesn't and if this is how i will end up living my life in some semi charmed mildly delirious state... well i dont know if i can.
I was thinking about semi-charmed life today, i really like that song. Its odd that puff the magic dragon got banned and semi-charmed didnt. Crystal Meth will lift you up until you break baby. It seems Meth is the new in thing, all over the TV i've seen Oprah and some other womens talk show thing do a special on meth and how people recover from it. Its never things like pot or heroine, well pot for obvious reasons, mamybe there are some on the other drugs. Things like suburban moms taking their kids Rit so they can do their momsy things. Its kinda sad that society forces its impression of perfection on us so much that people resort to such means to be the perfect person. Life is all about its little ironies eh.
The other song thats getting me is Life on Mars? by Ziggy Stardust. Blue THICK eye shadow can only be justified by two words. GLAM ROCK. I sent the video to a friend and the first thing he said was Blue Eye shadow? Thou shalt not judge the glam rock... The irony in this is bowie felt so caught up in his Ziggy Stardust personality that he stopped being for some part, him. I havent named my alter ego, this me i've become. Maybe its still seython, just a more overt form.
Seython needs nothing wants nothing, but will have everything on a whim. He is weighted by the other part of me, that needs everything and wants everything but wont take anything unless its forced on him. East meets west, north meets south, its all about opposites, and in my case it just goes abit more extreme.
It has occured to me that i'm not as messed up as i think i am, and its the influence of other people who used to think i was that made me feel this way. need to give up, let go, and let somebody new into my life. Problem is i havent met anyone right, and everytime i attempt to the other is less conscious of the other in me. I need someone who can see the better part of me and believe in that.
As always i'm happier being the fool, having something to believe in, having a tomorrow with goals to look forward to. Right now none of them seem really relevant. I do because. Not because i anything. As for the question how little can i live with. As has been my answer many years ago, i can live with nothing. I can live on an island on my own. Z for Zachariah. Sometimes i wonder if i was the last guy on earth, and you were the last girl, what would i do, would i feel that instinctive need to propogate the human race. Probably not, humanity is shit, i think i'd look for a condom.
Its funny how i'm so not bothered by vday. It passed as planned, just another day, nothing really important. oh yes this too has to be said. I dont like drugs, more so after reading Brave new world, and that last episode of boston legal. They're really subversive, imposing culture upon you, robbing you of identity. Maybe that why almost everybody i know on anti-depressants never really recover. They make you reliant, they promise alot but take away things you take for granted. Sanity, peace of mind, the ability to love, yourself or another, because you're seldom really there, just some numb shell. Why dream of hell when this world is more than enough. We can lose our souls here why bother about the longest term.
Therefore I propose. Save your soul. Be a Porch Munkey 4 Life.
i guess my posts are delibrately long to deter people from reading. haha. Its another year, another birthday, another time i wish i had the same shirt different day shirt. I cant decide if i want to put out my written bday post. I think my best posts are the ones i dont put here.
I think the next step is looking for a difficult goal acomplishing it and feeling proud of me. I think its one of those things severely lacking in my life. Apart from things like personal identity. I dont think i ever had one. Just the me in the moments, sometimes i love me more than other times, sometimes its really alot more. Oh well life is shit but we live it because we are taught that suicide is wrong. Its my catholic past that keeps me thinking that suicide will send me to hell, though i dont believe in dante's visions of hell. I think being aware of God's (even mildest) displeasure is hell enough.
I'm doing pretty good on the no drinking thing, quite a shock, my mantra is the liver is not evil and need not be punished. Though i think the brain took abit more of a beating than the liver ever did. Liver heals, brain doesn't and if this is how i will end up living my life in some semi charmed mildly delirious state... well i dont know if i can.
I was thinking about semi-charmed life today, i really like that song. Its odd that puff the magic dragon got banned and semi-charmed didnt. Crystal Meth will lift you up until you break baby. It seems Meth is the new in thing, all over the TV i've seen Oprah and some other womens talk show thing do a special on meth and how people recover from it. Its never things like pot or heroine, well pot for obvious reasons, mamybe there are some on the other drugs. Things like suburban moms taking their kids Rit so they can do their momsy things. Its kinda sad that society forces its impression of perfection on us so much that people resort to such means to be the perfect person. Life is all about its little ironies eh.
The other song thats getting me is Life on Mars? by Ziggy Stardust. Blue THICK eye shadow can only be justified by two words. GLAM ROCK. I sent the video to a friend and the first thing he said was Blue Eye shadow? Thou shalt not judge the glam rock... The irony in this is bowie felt so caught up in his Ziggy Stardust personality that he stopped being for some part, him. I havent named my alter ego, this me i've become. Maybe its still seython, just a more overt form.
Seython needs nothing wants nothing, but will have everything on a whim. He is weighted by the other part of me, that needs everything and wants everything but wont take anything unless its forced on him. East meets west, north meets south, its all about opposites, and in my case it just goes abit more extreme.
It has occured to me that i'm not as messed up as i think i am, and its the influence of other people who used to think i was that made me feel this way. need to give up, let go, and let somebody new into my life. Problem is i havent met anyone right, and everytime i attempt to the other is less conscious of the other in me. I need someone who can see the better part of me and believe in that.
As always i'm happier being the fool, having something to believe in, having a tomorrow with goals to look forward to. Right now none of them seem really relevant. I do because. Not because i anything. As for the question how little can i live with. As has been my answer many years ago, i can live with nothing. I can live on an island on my own. Z for Zachariah. Sometimes i wonder if i was the last guy on earth, and you were the last girl, what would i do, would i feel that instinctive need to propogate the human race. Probably not, humanity is shit, i think i'd look for a condom.
Its funny how i'm so not bothered by vday. It passed as planned, just another day, nothing really important. oh yes this too has to be said. I dont like drugs, more so after reading Brave new world, and that last episode of boston legal. They're really subversive, imposing culture upon you, robbing you of identity. Maybe that why almost everybody i know on anti-depressants never really recover. They make you reliant, they promise alot but take away things you take for granted. Sanity, peace of mind, the ability to love, yourself or another, because you're seldom really there, just some numb shell. Why dream of hell when this world is more than enough. We can lose our souls here why bother about the longest term.
Therefore I propose. Save your soul. Be a Porch Munkey 4 Life.
Labels: this vacation is in my soul
posted by Seython at 1:46 am
1 Comments:
since there usually is a post script,
With regards to seython and i, i think that why i get everything i want on a whim. But when i really want them, its impossibly far away.
Cherrio, enjoy the ang pao the next one is coming out on midnight saturday.
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