White Powder

I wish you'd stop lying to me.

I may not make a big deal out of it. I may not look like I care, but I'm sick of it. Sick and tired of breathing in your lies. Of breathing you into my lungs, the scent on your hair, the light in your eyes.

I'm trying to be a decent human being. I'm trying to keep some part of me alive, so maybe one day, i can trust somebody. So I can make a life.

Is it too much to ask . . .

Just tell me, and I'll walk, and tug and pull and tear my heart away from the promise of what i believed to be perfect.

Dealing

I never knew, how to deal. Never ever. Few things make me dwell on them for more than a day. This day finally came like I expected. And I find myself colder, more numb, tired, and unable to give a fitting emotional response. I'm dying, or already dead inside. Maybe this is for the best. I'm so tired.

Grow up.

I found this on someone's facebook.

Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground. the worst thing you could get from boys was cooties. your worst enemies were your siblings. race issues were who ran the fastest. war was a card game. the only drug you knew of was cough medicine & wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut. The only thing you smoked was the tires on your bike. the only thing that hurt was skinned knees & the only things that can get broken were your toys. life was simple and care free, but what i remember the most was wanting to grow up.

Yeah, i remember wanting to grow up.

Settle for dust

I don't know what I'd do without cigarettes. I wouldn't know what to do with the time. I wouldn't know how to deal with my breaking heart. I just wouldn't know. I'd probably curl up and wish i was dead.

It's easy to say, its not your fault. Its difficult to mean it. Like facing the past. Acknowledging all that has happened, and carry on. Believe tomorrow will be better. Believe in something again, despite knowing believing is what got you in this mess in the first place.

I believe that we all like to dance, to sing, to love and be loved. We all want to go to heaven, to be better and be in a better place. I believe we are all human beings. Capable of thought, emotion, and values that are higher. Sometimes I don't see it, an understanding for the similarity and difference in mankind. We are expected to act and behave a certain way, that falls under the category of common sense.

How do you live when you have no idea of what is common sense. How do you live when you've come to the conclusion that you have very little in common with everyone else. That you care much more than is necessary, when its common sense to you that as human beings we are all victims of life. That life and its mis-communications, due to the imperfection of language, are the source of most of the problems in the world. Because we think in an imperfect language. How do you live with the notion that people are selfish when you have not allowed yourself to become cynical, jaded, and capable of discarding the idea of a greater good. How do you live with the idea that we are not infinite, that we were not made by a god, that, crudely put, life's a bitch and then you die.

It is common sense that if something bothers you, erase it from your life. Forget it, him, her, move on, fill the spaces, and continue living. What do you do when life is the enemy, people are people, and they are the way they are because life made them so. I say this because children do not know better. How do you blame people when everyone is essentially a misguided child. Misguided because thee are no absolute wrongs and rights in this world. How do you live, when your existence is a paradox. Once again, I am forced to face this crossroad even though I tried to run from it and be happy. Because I believe in you. And I refuse to accept that you are just another face in a past that I have faced, paid my dues, and eventually leave in the settling dust.