Scarifice under guise.

I'm writing... I'm feeling... I'm thinking.
I'm walking... I'm breathing... I'm hoping for the best.


I know somewhere deep down inside. I try to ignore it but it nags at me. I have no reason to feel this way. I have no reason to be this way, but I am. I'm at the next stage. Everything is going well. According to plan. Everything is perfect, but I can't shake this feeling.

I could have so much more, I could have everything more and more. I could have my wildest wishes come true, I could have the moon and the stars in the palm of my hand. Some how I dont think that it'd be enough. I don't think anything will ever be enough. Not for me. Not for my lust. Not for my needs... Not for my wants...

It's started again, aching, wanting, needing, hoping, searching; eating away at everything. I know. I won't do anything about it. I know. It could be so much better. I know. It doesn't really matter. I know, and I can't convince myself that I don't.

How does it feel?

It was only a dream. I believed it was true. I believed, always believed; in the dream.

For me there was nothing more real, more clear, more precious than that which I shared with you. My dream.

Do you believe in angels? Do you believe in beautiful creatures that come to save the wretched and weary hearted? Beautiful creatures with compassionate eyes and wings with soft feathers to lean your face into. Pure white feathers that promise to take your pain and suffering away. That will lift you up, and take you somewhere you belong to.

Do you believe in second chances? Do you believe in a better tomorrow where the mistakes of your past will be righted? Opportunities to let go of the regret in your past, and look forward to a future where you are free of the of the hurt you have caused to those who love you. Lift you up, and take you, where you should have been all along.

I had a dream. In that dream it was me and you. The world was bright, our smiles were bright. As I looked into your eyes. I noticed, that the future was bright as well. We were there, it was beautiful, it was perfect. So I shared the dream with you.

I don't know...

It's been years since I set out to destroy myself. Since I've set out to find the strength to build myself. It's been a long time, trying to find answers to things I didn't have the questions for. It's a slow painful forever, and I'm where I started. Still looking, still searching, still trying to understand. What I want, what I am and what I can hope to ever be. Hopefully some day, things will add up, and there will be a life worth meaning something at the end of the rainbow.

Inside the Diving Bell

We go through great depths and lengths to see. We want to explore, and experience the new and the odd. We want to quantify our sense of being. Take a deep breath. And sink deeper into your sub-conscious. Listen in the silence. Hear the vibrations in your soul. Be a part of it. Be apart of it. There is no other truth, than the silence of your soul.

300

There is only one thing that could make me happier than this.

I shed my old skin, my old heart. The joy that flows from my eyes. The colour in world, the brightness and magnificent. Like a newborn baby seeing everything for the first time. I feel free. My heart is leaping, soaring, reaching towards the blue skies, onward onto the vast horizon. forward into the infinite. Sweeter than sweet, almost bitter, almost painful, almost perfect. Sitting in my room. Sitting in my home. I feel more at home than I've ever did. Today I am home. I am free, and I am the human being that I can be.

As the numbness slips away. As the tight grip on my heart leesens. I know. I am Ready. I will grow. I will be everything and more. I see, I feel and I am alive. I am free.